Nah… I’m not dead,strung out, interlectually stunted or better yet…cured. Nope…I’m actually livin’ life, so I can effectively write bout’ it. Soooo… In the meantime, and in between time, read tha old sh!t. It still packs a whollop. Til then….i’ll be back. SMOOCHES.
07
Feb
11
I’m among the livin’…
#NutritionalFact: The McRib is made out of Unicorn Prostate, and the BBQ sauce is made out of multi-racial newborns’ tears. #SoGood.
Welll… Wit one project rampin’ up, and another on hiatus, that leaves me wit some mind masturbation to do.
Please understand…what i’m about to spit out onto tha gumbo, which is tha internets, has no rhyme or reason, no thought process or rationale. kinda like dating a woman on menopuse, then you look in her medicine cabinet, and find out she takes Abilify. Oh sure, she medicated and safe for now, but there’s a lot more surprises ahead. Soooo…let’s be-friggin’-gin.
- I actually went to fashion show a while back, that featured and african- american midget/little person/professional fart sniffer. A black midget modeling…not funny. A black midget modelin’ a Steve Harvey Zoot suit..HILARIOUS. he looked like a “American Gangster” action figure.
- I observed a woman that obviously had on a bra..”Not fitting of her shape” Word to tha wise…If you’re a 38C and put on a 36B on down… it’s gonna make you look like, you need a bra for your back.
- Fellas…If your hair on tha top of your head, is already executing an exit strategy off ya head, let them sh!ts go. don’t try to keep tha sides, or better yet…don’t try to grow a ponytail! NOTE: If you’re over 37 and STILL rockin’ a ponytail, S-Curl, finger waves or “shag” in tha back…you will NEVER see or feel a vagina, unless she’s unconcious.
- Parents. Pleeease be honest with your children. Honestly…all babies are cute when they’re young. There’s somethin’ about a child, fresh out tha womb (Mom’s Va-Jay-Jay is like a “Panera Bread”) that makes ya melt. BUT as they get older, only a select few, go on to be pleasent to look at. I’m all for givin’ kids positive self-esteem/ feel good abut themelselves…yadda…yadda…yadda. but if your child starts to resemble somethin’ off of “Alien vs Predator” , maybe that modelin’ career aint to realistic. (Try mascot for a sports team)
- Whoever still lets women over 50, come out tha house wit Gold joggin’ suits and those gold, flower print slippers on…I will hunt you down and punish your azz.(If you continue to throw in the gold baseball cap..yo azz gettin’ waterboarded)
- If you are over 40, and now decide to get a tattoo on your chest…drink Draino now. Unless it’s somethin’ small like yo kids name or some other small sh!t…Just don’t do it. Ladies..gettin’ a “Butterfly” tattoo at a certain age, only makes it look like a flyin’ bat, when it’s done. Fellas gettin’ a “Panther” tattoo at a certain age, only make it look like, a lazy hound dog, when it’s done.
-Parents…if you see that your child is cock-eyed, spare no expense and get him/her some corrective glasses. Stop tryin’ to wait and see if they’ll grow out of it. They’re bumpin’ into sh!t, and messin’ up school work because of your neglect.
There ya have it. I’m spent.
FOLLOW THIS LIFE: www.twitter.com/mayhemm09 www.facebook.com/matt.lloyd3 Ohhhh yeahhhh… mayhemm09@gmail.com
-
13
Aug
10
WHO AM I?!?
WWW.EMONT.NET/E3PRODUCTIONS
WWW.EMONT.NET/E3PRODUCTIONS 8-27-10 8-27-10 8-27-10 8-27-10 8-27-10 8-27-10 8-27-10 8-27-10 8-27-1
Sometimes, we let forces that we don’t exactly understand, overtake our lives. When we don’t question those forces…they engulf us.
Go to www.emont.net/e3productions for details. Come see what form, i’ll take next.
http://www.mayhemm09-rantsofamadman.blogspot.com My Weekend at a glance.
*Reaches for IPod and headphones. Puts headphones on, and programs The Roots’s “Doin’ it Again”. Presses Play. Turns Volume wayyy tha Hades up*
Wow!!! you guys still hangin’ around huh? Well… goood tha hell for you. Sorry for my interruption of service, I..errr…uhhhh… been doin’ sh!t.
Ya know…like all you hip folk say…uhhh..Grindin’, Hustlin’, Paper chasin’.
Except… I don’t say it… I DO IT.
I’ve been gettin’ my Sidney Portier on, for tha last Three to Four months. (I figure if I can get paid for tha voices in my head, so tha phuck be it. I need to start chargin’ them rent anyway)
As I journey through this “Industry” AGAIN, (Never learn my damn lesson do I?) I noticed that this time..is far more comical, than tha last. Tha last time I “Courted” said industry, our relationship was new and full of promise. As tha “Courting” progressed, I noticed a change.
What started out as fun and full of love, turned into a chore and all “She” wanted to do is Phuck me. Thus creating a hostile relationship. Sooooo…I exiled myself, until I knew myself more. As that happened, tha more unhinged I became. I became this mass of Bi-polar/Self-medicatin’/Expletive typin’/masturbatin’ on tha regular (Insert ethnic slur here) you read before you.
But, it seems as though Tha Man UpStairs won’t let me “David Carradine” myself yet, sooo… He wanted me to look at my past “Courtship”, and see if we could patch it up.
Well..tha “Industry” and I are friends, but, that’s all we can be. I mean… we’ll phuck each other, and over every now and then, but that’s it. I guess in order for me to reeeally get to know “Her” I had to go insane.
But don’t get it twisted, I truly LOVE what I do. Thus, I’m back. Keep in mind, if you see me doin’ my thang, I do it for tha LOVE. Oh yeah…and I also do it so I don’t put ice in a glass, and drink Draino.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an audition for a porno version of “Good Times”. I think i’m more of a “J.J.”. but they want me to read for “Thelma”. *Realizes that it’s an ALL MALE version* ….Awww Dammit.
Follow this life. http://www.twitter.com/ www.facebook.com/matt.lloyd3 mayhemm09@gmail.com
http://www.mayhemm09.wordpress.com/ http://www.mayhemmstraitjacketmanifesto.typepad.com/
21
Jun
10
Sonic Collage Vol. 2
Hi neighbor. Here’s some more of my lyrically potent sh!t, in my earphones. AGAIN…this is my opinion/taste/what i’m into. To me music has no catagory. It just has..being. En-friggin’-joy.
Ohhh..look mommy, some didn’t know that *Insert ethnic slur here* was diverse. Well…now ya know.
if you’ll excuse me, there’s this “White Pride” mixtape I wanna download. *Blank stare*
www.mayhemm09@gmail.com www.twitter.com/mayhemm09 www.facebook.com/matt.lloyd3 More Bounce found on www.mayhemmstraitjacketmanifesto.typepad.com
17
Jun
10
Sonic collage vol.1
Bottom line…I’m a moody lil sh!t. One of tha elements that gets me through tha day (Besides above average culinary delights and fondling my own genataila) is music. I don’t always like what tha status quo calls music. To me, Music stabilizes me. It medicates me. It puts me in another place. Simply put..it adds to my being.
Along wit some visual aesthetics that may enhance tha sonic boom, then them sh!ts could be euphoric. (Oooo.. look mommy, they did’nt know that *Insert ethinc slur here* could write like that) Wit this said, take in tha selctions below. listen to tha words. Some are more relatable than others. But most of all, listen…Dammit. It’s my being. En-Friggin-joy.
Now that i’ve totally phucked some heads up, wit my selections…do this, go back and listen to tha LYRICS. It goes to show you, where sometimes we are in our minds, at a particular time.
Now..if you’ll excuse me, My neighbor across tha street, threw out their velvet couch. I wanted to make a glory-hole out of one of tha cushions.
www.mayhemm09@gmail.com www.twitter.com/mayhemm09 www.facebook.com/matt.lloyd3
My other hole. www.mayhemmstraitjacketmanifesto.typepad.com
14
Jun
10
Just throwin’ this out there.
For once, I’m not masturbating at tha begining of writin’ this. (It’s really because i’m runnin’ out of “Targets”. Right now, I’ve daydreamed and shot Man Butter over just about every woman I have, on tha social networkin’ spectrum. It’s gettin’ to tha point where my Ex’s Pomeranian looks like..”She could get it.”) Anyhoo…I needed to jot some sh!t down for my mental health, so here’s nothin’. (By tha way ladies, this post is like…errr menopause. It’s spur of tha moment, no rhyme or reason, and may signal tha unbalance of someone’s mental state.)
- Now that I can’t get “I gotta feeling” by the Black Eye Peas out of my head, When should I take that Fellatio class? #RoomIsSpinningBecauseOfTheGayness.
- I’ve noticed on tha social networkin’ forums that people are postin’ sh!t to tha effect of…” If you like/have a crush/wanna be wit me/find me attractive please inbox me. Or post on my wall” Here, let me ask a question first, before I offend all you upstandin’ citizens…How many of you Men/Women/HeShes will admit to havin’ those “Show me on tha dolly where he/she touched you” issues?!? Show of hands?… Don’t worry i’ll wait.
That’s what tha phuck I thought. Then why would you even post some “To catch a predator ” sh!t like that?!? If want people to tell you you’re Phuckable, just ask. Don’t post goofy sh!t, and get mad when this (Insert favorite African American ethnic slur here.) calls you on it. If you need that much attention, buy a dog, get some fish, phuck a midget. Do somethin’ other than that “Do you like me yes or no” bull-ish on tha internets.
- I think this oil spill sh!t,is bein’ handled wrong. BP and tha goverment has hit up everybody from top scientists, to phuckin’ James Cameron. Besides BP, another name is also synonymous wit oil… Jheri. That’s right, tha Jheri Curl. Them sh!ts were oily as hell.Call Jheri, and find out what did he use in tha early experimentations of his product. (Worked on Jermaine Jackson’s pillow case)
- “Dig if you the picture, of you and I engaged in a kiss.” ( I just wanted to see that written down, that’s all) SideBar: Prince was a bad Muh Phucka for using a lyric like, “Dig if you will tha picture” #LittleDetailsMakeMeWet.
- Has anybody else found their soulmate, after havin’ “Hot pig sex” on tha floor in a Wendy’s/The Cubby Bear bathroom? *Feels tha stare of disgust from said audience* Then…me neither.
- Am I tha only one that wants to put a finger, between tha cleavage of most healthy chested womens? (Yeah..I stated “Womens”)
- Am I tha only one that like WOMENS, that have some sort of mental anguish? #MakesMeRolePlayAsNastyStepfather.
- Am I tha only one, on a bet, put his penis in a Slap Chop as a form of Penis Russian Roulette? *Senses disgust from said audience* Yeah…me neither.
- I like Nickelback. (There. I said it.)
- Am I tha only one that walked into a conference of tha NAACP and said “Where all tha white womens at?!?”
- I go tha Special Olympics to pick up women. (Look..just tha moms. Hey! they’re already takin’ care of a kid wit “Special Needs”, that means they’re equipped to handle my ignorant azz.)
- Thank you to my english teacher who hepped me’s to be writin’ soo gooder. Speech class…I’s did’nt be’s that gooder….not so much.
- Laugh at yourself more you’ll life longer. Laugh at others, you’ll be imm-phuckin’-mortal.
- I write, therefore I be.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a lunch date wit an old elementary school homie. She’s not that bright. When we were little, she would do ANYTHING for some Chips Ahoy Cookies. Today, I bought Three big azz bags.
FIND ME. mayhemm09@gmail.com twitter.com/mayhemm09 facebook.com/matt.lloyd3
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